Are we having fun yet? Seriously. Bah. It's been a long week. I've been working crazy hours and for some reasons my emotions kind of feel like a wound up rubber band. I really do like my new job.. the people are great and I usually at least have SOME fun; I'm just not used to being on my feet all day, every day anymore. I think one of my main problems is I want to do well and I want to fit in. I'm a perfectionist, so it really bothers me when I screw up. And even though it's stupid, when I'm at work, I care what people think about me. AND, when customers snap at me, even when it's over something I have ZERO control over like prices or whether or not we can use a coupon, I take it personally. I think working is a hazard to my mental health..
I seriously feel out of sorts. Maybe it's the holidays.. and Dan not being here for them. Maybe it's the new job and being bombarded with so many new people and experiences. Maybe it's the whole Max-not-really-having-a-baby drama (if you don't know what I'm talking about, you can ask me specifically.. I don't have the energy to explain the whole story right now). Maybe it's the fact that I feel like a freaking cow these days. Don't get me wrong.. I'm not like, depressed or anything. I just feel off-kilter. And I miss Germany. That's all there is, there isn't anymore.
"Do you ever have that dream
Where you're walking naked down the street
And everyone just stares?
Do you ever feel so deep that you speak your mind
To put others straight to sleep?
You wonder if anybody cares
Sometimes I think I'm the only one
Whose day turned out unlike it had begun
And I feel bare naked and I just can't take it
I'm getting jaded, no, I just can't fake it anymore
'Cuz I'm bare naked and I know life's what you make it
Wish I could float away to some other day
You ever go downstairs to start your day
But your car's not there
Yeah, you know the joke is on you
You ever try your luck with a pick-up line
But you just sucked
You tell yourself it wasn't you
And I know it's hard to hold it inside
It's days like these I run and hide
When I feel bare naked and I just can't take it
I'm getting jaded, no, I just can't fake it anymore
I'm bare naked and I know life's what you make it
Wish I could float away to some other day
It's all a state of mind
But I don't mind trying to find a way
To keep my head above the mess I make
What the world creates
Sometimes it feels so good to let it all fall."
1 comment:
Hey Amber, Thinking about and praying for you today. We are almost through January, do you get as excited as a I do to mark another month off the calendar? How's Dan doing? Hang in there girl - you are not alone. Heather
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