I. Am. Stressed. Dan comes home in two weeks for R&R, and I have a mile long "To Do" list to accomplish before he gets home. My schoolwork is overwhelming, and I have exactly 6 days off between now and Dan coming home (having a 15 month old hanging around your neck makes getting things done on work days next to impossible). Because I'm already stressed, I'm susceptible to snowballing anxiety that stems from knowing so little about what the future holds (thank you, Army).
However, tonight, as I ate dinner standing up, staring at the list I have to start tomorrow, I started thinking about how lame it can be to worry or be anxious because God seriously has it all under control. He never fails to show me that He's paying attention.. that He KNOWS my wants and needs and is acting accordingly, though I may not understand it all at the time. Yet I still struggle with giving complete control over to Christ. When I'm feeling this way, sometimes God will remind me of a major way He worked in my life in the past, though I didn't know it at the time. I felt like sharing my favorite example with all of you.. some of you have heard this story, but bear with me.
The first MAJOR fight I ever remember having with my dad occured when I was signing up for classes for my freshman year of high school. I had to pick a language. For some strange reason, I wanted to take to German (I'm sure at first it had something to do with that being the language Amanda was taking and at the time, we were connected at the hip). My father, on the other hand, was insisting on Spanish. His arguments made COMPLETE sense. We lived in San Diego, and with the border to Mexico being so close and so many immigrants living in this area, Spanish was the obvious choice. German, however, made absolutely ZERO sense. I had no desire to travel to Germany at any point, and I hate to fly. At the time, the odds of me EVER having to utter a single German word outside of high school were slim to none. Eventually, it being me, I'm sure the arguement started to turn into just hating to be told what to do. We fought for DAYS. I would stomp around the house all mad, and he would try to make stupid jokes to cheer me up and go along with the whole Spanish thing. Somewhere down the line, my mom convinced him it was my life and I needed to be able to choose my own classes. My dad eventually gave in, realizing that I wouldn't do well in Spanish if that wasn't what I wanted to be taking. I was victorious. I had gotten my way... nevermind the fact that secretly, I had no idea why I was even arguing my point when his made so much more sense.
I ended up taking 3 1/2 years of German, and by that last semester, I was miserable. I was starting to think maybe my dad had been right.. I was burned out on the language, and it wasn't very much fun to never get to use it. I assumed that within 5 years, I would have forgotten it all. I was wrong. Within three years of graduating high school, I was married to Dan. Six months later, we were sent to Germany. My dad and I laugh these days about that huge German/Spanish fight.. but in all seriousness, if I had not taken German in high school, I never would have survived the move. As it was, I was totally out of my comfort zone and had NO desire to be there.. I can't even imagine what it would have been like if I also didn't understand any of the language. While I'm obviously far from fluent, I knew plenty to get by, and since Dan can speak German as well, we did all right. But this is what I'm talking about.. as a freshman, I had no idea that God was working and pushing me towards something that NEEDED to happen. It's weird to think that while I was crushing on some cute boy behind me and killing my CPR dummy in Health Class with Amanda, God was moving.. He knew who I would marry and what it would entail, and He loved me enough to make sure I wouldn't drown when He threw me into the deep part of the pool.
I actually feel better having shared this. It's a great reminder for me, and I hope it encourages you as well. God is paying attention. It's generally us that have lost focus.
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