Funniest thing I've heard all day!

Sometimes when I get bored while Mason is napping, I'll get online and watch random shows I wouldn't normally make time for. Today's show was True Life: I have embarrassing parents, part 2 (not sure where part 1 went). This 15-year-old girl whose parents are retired professional clowns. It could be worse I suppose, but her parents hardly ever dress normally because they still do group events or picnics or parties or whatever (originally they performed for some well known circus.. Ringling Brothers maybe?). It kind of sucks that so many people are afraid of clowns.. the poor girl has friends who literally have to walk out of the room if her parents show up.. or run screaming in the other direction. HA! To make the whole thing even weirder, the daughters in the family are triplets, and the family's last name is Gram. What did they name their daughters, you ask?
Candy, Holli, and Milli. As in, when you say their names properly, it comes out candygram, hollogram, and milligram. Wow.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

I was talking with my friend Amanda tonight, and we were laughing about funny things that have happened while we were hanging out together. I've known her a long time, so there's a whole lot of memories, and I love her dearly.

For some reason, we started talking about having to pee in uncomfortable places.. like when you go "real" camping and their aren't any toilets for miles and miles and so you have to go hide behind a tree or bush and pray there's no poison ivy lurking around.

At any rate, it made me think about my own issues with peeing outside. I CANNOT do it. Seriously. If we're going camping, there had better be some sort of bathroom facility, even if it's just an outhouse, where I can pee. I am like this because of something that happened to me as a child.. the incident showed me both immense amounts of love, and immense amounts of embarassment.

I was like 6 or 7.. at least I think so.. and I was in Kentucky. I don't remember if we lived there or were just visiting, but our church decided to take all the kids on a hayride (noboday laugh.. hayrides can be a great time!). So, a bunch of my cousins and friends, plus my Mamaw (that's "Grandma" to those of you on the west coast), a couple of aunts and uncles, and a couple of other adult chaperones, piled onto this cart filled with hay and pulled by a tractor. The weather had been off for a day or two, but nobody thought anything of it. We eventually reached our picnic destination and proceeded to wolf down hotdogs and chips. One the adults on the trip had a radio with him, and had been listening to it on and off the entire outing. I've always been a slightly anxious person.. even as a child, panic could set into my little heart and have me freaking out over the worst things that could happen. It turned out a tornado warning had been issued.. and we were in the line of fire.

We didn't have time to make it back to the church, so somebody suggested we head for the "Bear Caves" (why they called them that, I'm not sure.. bears definitely do NOT live there) for some protection, and we would get out of there once the storm had passed. So, we were all piled back into the wagon and taken to the caves a short distance away. Once we had all been herded inside, they started a couple fires, and we prepared to wait out the terrible weather and crazy winds. As per usual with young kids, within an hour of being there, there was a chorus of "I have to go to the bathroom." We were split up: boys on one side, girls on the other. Piece of cake, right?

WRONG. As I got into the squat position, I realized I didn't know which way pee actually goes.. forward, or backward.. so I didn't know what direction to pull my pants. My older cousins seemed to have zero issues, so I felt like asking for help would make me too childish. I took a guess, and started to pee. Big mistake. I promtply peed all over myself and my pants. I was mortified. How could I have done such a thing?! I tried to be brave and not care.. I marched away from my cousins back to the fire.. but it was cold, and I was wet, and so ashamed. I was seriously on the verge of tears. My mamaw (my dad's mom) saw me looking devestated, and called me over to her. She asked me what was wrong, and I burst into tears. I was sobbing so hard I was giving myself the hiccups.

At this point, my Mamaw did the most amazing thing... she picked me up and pulled me into her lap and let me cry it out. Mind you, I was soaked in urine.. so you know it was seeping into her clothes as well. She didn't care. Isn't that amazing? Her love for me came first.. she didn't care that she'd probably smell like pee the entire day.. she didn't care that I was probably snotting all over her blouse at this point. All she cared about was taking away my fear and shame and hurt.

I don't get to see her very often, and I wonder if she knows how one small act like that could teach me so much about love. Unconditional love. My mamaw has a firm belief in Christ, and that day in the caves, she really portrayed God's love for us. It's a beautiful thing.

Of course, that's also the reason I refuse to pee anywhere but in a toilet. We don't need a repeat. :)

Less than a month until R&R!

It's crazy, but Dan will be home for 3 weeks in less than a month. Funny how time seems to fly and stand still all at once. For those of you who don't know, Dan did all of his Pilot in Command testing, and earned the title last week. I am SO SO proud of him. Hopefully these last few weeks will go rather quickly.. I feel bad saying that.. I know we are supposed to not forget about the "now" because we're to busy looking forward.. but it's a little hard not!

"I married a committed military man. And I have loved this military life. I have also had to put my personal opinions aside to truly understand that our defenders of freedom are fighting a bigger battle. Not a political battle; their battle goes beyond politics. Beyond on religion, race, or gender. They are the defenders for us all. They are the defenders of our differences. As one soldier is taken away from us, another returns to us. There is balance in the universe; a natural system of order. Look beside each soldier, and you will find the people who fight with them. The spouses, the sons, the daughters, the families.: we serve too. Their victories are our victories, their defeats are our defeats. Together, we fight for our freedom. For years, I have tried to be the perfect wife and mother. Each day, I disappoint myself. Human life isn't about perfection; it is about accepting the flawed.. the misguided parts of ourselves. We keep trying, we keep loving, we keep believing. I am proud of the role we play in maintaining peace, in our country and in the world. I am proud to stand beside a man whose integrity shines like a diamond in the dust. And I am proud to call myself an Army wife." -Army Wives

Happy Memorial Day

I downloaded Season 1 of Army Wives tonight. It's amazing how comforting it can be to know you aren't alone. I was on episode 3, and at the very end, the Colonel comes in and tells his wife there's been an accident. You then hear the news start talking about a Blackhawk crashing. It's a show. It's not real. Yet at the sound of those words, everything in me stopped.. I stoppped breathing, I stopped thinking.. the only thing I could feel was the distinct urge to throw up. THAT'S how it feels when you're husband is deployed, and you know that any second, something could go terribly wrong, and he would die. That fear is imbedded so far into you that a TV show says one line and you can feel yourself falling apart from the inside out. Most of you will not even be able to begin to imagine what that's like.. but I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

You tell me one more time how I should live, I swear I'll bite your head off.

The McConnell's, the family I nanny for, spent the last week in Hawaii, so I ended up having a week and a half off of work. Today was my first day back, and I missed Mason terribly, so it's nice to be spending my day's with him again. While he was napping earlier, I was reading a parenting magazine, and it had this whole article on people giving you unwanted advice. Apparently, when you had kids, everyone, including complete strangers, feel they had the right to tell you what they think you're doing wrong.. or they do the whole condescending questioning thing such as: "Are you sure he's getting enough to eat?" or "Are you sure bathing her every day is a good idea?" The great part about the article is they tell you how to handle those people, whether strangers or family or friends, and even give you sarcastic phrases to use. Excellent.

Anyway, it got me thinking about the experience we (being me, Anna, and Ruth) had at Pet People in 4S Ranch yesterday. Dan and I don't have kids yet, but we take the "parenting" pets role very seriously.. especially with our puppy, Nandi (actually, she turns one this month.. weird to say dog instead of puppy). For those of you who haven't met Nandi, she hates new men and has serious aggression issues. Now, we have not taken these issues lightly. We've dished out a WHOLE LOT of money on personal trainers for her, and I've spent a lot of hours working with her on behavioral issues. She's SO much better now than she was say 5 months ago, and we've been told her aggression will continue to get better as long as we keep working with her. But here's the thing: not everyone agrees with our method of correction. I used to be one of those people who freaked out at the sight of a dog wearing what appeared to be a torturous device with spikes sticking out of it.. basically a training collar. When I spoke with Nandi's trainer in the first appointment, and he pulled one out, I almost kicked him out.. I believe the slang term for them is a "pinch collar." Now, before you all throw me to the wolves for torturing my dog, you need to understand that I would never do ANYTHING to Nandi that caused her pain.. the collar is not like the one's sold in Petco and such. They're imported from Germany, and the "spikes" aren't spikey.. they have very smooth, very rounded edges. Just to be safe.. this is how much I love her.. I made him put it on ME, and then I gave myself a correction like we would have to do with her, which is basically one quick jerk and then release. Definitely got my attention, but DID NOT HURT. Also, this training company explained that the term "pinch collar" comes from people buying the collar WAY to small, so when the dog tries to pull, their skin gets caught and pinched. Very sad. Nandi's is so loose, if she puts her head down far enough, it slides right off. AND, she doesn't wear it ALL the time, nor do I ever let her sleep in it. And it WORKS because it's being done the right way. We originally tried the whole Petco training class thing, but everything was based on food rewards, and I kept being told eventually she'd do things even if you don't have a treat. Nandi isn't stupid.. she's way too smart for her own good, and would ignore me if she wasn't positive I had food in my hand. You have to understand that my biggest fear is that she's going to bite someone (probably a guy.. ha ha) and really hurt them, and then I'll have to put her down to avoid a lawsuit.

But I digress. We went to Pet People yesterday to buy Nandi new dishes. With a title like "Pet People," one would assume the people working there know a thing or two about dogs. Apparently not. I've included a list of things, based on our experience there, that every person should know about dogs.. especially if you work in a pet store(yes, all of these were stuff the staff did, not any other customers):
1) When you are a child, generally your parents tell you to ASK before you just walk up and pet someone's dog. Why is it that that changes when you grow up? Why do adults think they can touch my dog without permission? Seriously, Nandi may look cute and charming, but the second she feels frightened or cornered, be prepared to watch her morph into a rabid wolf.
2) Whoever started the myth that the best way to approach a dog is by sticking your hand out for them to sniff needs to be dragged into the street and shot. One of the MOST aggressive or frightening moves you can make is to go to the dog and try and let them sniff you. As a matter of fact, you should NEVER EVER approach a dog you don't know and basically force yourself on them. Let THEM come to YOU. I've lost count of the amount of times people, especially men, have almost lost a limb because to Nandi, they were initiating aggression.. and if her choices are fight or flight, she almost always chooses fight. When I jump in and say, "DO NOT reach for her again, please," one of the cashiers seriously smirked because Nandi didn't snap at her. But COME ON! I know my dog better than ANYONE.. do not assume that you know better than I do.
3) You wouldn't give a child a bunch of candy without asking the parents first, especially when the child belongs to a complete stranger. Why do people think it's different with pets? Nandi has an extremely sensitive stomach.. I've only had her 8 months, and she's managed to do the whole vomiting/diarhea at least 6 times in that amount of time. Because of this, I rarely introduce her to new treats or food.. we've figured out what works, and we're sticking to that. Then we go into Pet People, and they obviously think they know better, so they start having her do her tricks and giving her treats.. WITHOUT my permission. If Nandi had gotten sick that night, I swear I would have marched back over there and make the staff come over and clean up the mess.
4) Why are you making my dog do tricks and practicing her obedience training? Again you don't even KNOW me, nor do you know my dog. I got the impression she was trying to make a point.. she most likely was anti-training collar (which makes her even a worse pet person because she's not educated in training). No, Nandi was not on her best behavior in the store. She was very good, just not how she normally is with me. My mother-in-law is like Nandi's grandma.. Nandi LOVES her, and grandma means lots of love and attention without as firm of a hand with her (which isn't really a bad thing). Anyway, she was holding Nandi's leash, and of the cashier's came up and started practicing stay with her.. with treats. She actually could have set Nandi back in her training by making her stay multiple times and for various amounts of time in order to get the treat.. a command that, at least with me, she does simply because I'm in charge. I really think she was trying to prove to me that Nandi was having trouble listening to Grandma, and decided that MY way of doing things doesn't work, and her way does. The thing is, I'm Nandi's pack leader.. the way she is when it's just me and her it TOTALLY different than when she's with other people. She obeys me.. most of the time with any hesitation (we are still working on not barking when she's not getting attention). Lastly on this point, some of Nandi's commands are in German. For example, "lay down" is "plotz." But of course, the girl didn't know that and was trying to teach Nandi to "lay down." Thanks, lady. I appreciate you acting like Little Miss Know it All when you've known my dog for all of 5 minutes.

So friends, to wrap it up I say: "Don't assume you know best about a dog you just met.. or a child for that matter." Little did the cashier know that Nandi can seem fine with you one second, but until you've coming around for a while, she's not as comfortable as she seems. Case and point, we had a game night a few months ago, and three of the guys who came are on Nandi's short list of men she loves: Max (my brother), Ryan, and Michael. But Max brought a friend, and Nandi was feeling defensive (she's SO protective of me and Anna.. she's even protective of Madeleine, our chihuahua.. I can't take them both to the vet at the same time because Nandi won't let the vet anywhere near Madeleine). Nandi SEEMED to have accepted Sean, Max's friend.. she crawled into his lap and licked him face and let him pet her (the way to win her over is to ignore her until she can't stand it anymore and needs to "make friends"). However, when you've only been around her for 2 hours, moving quickly is a terrible idea. Sean went to pass the paper for the game, and he moved too fast (he had to reach over Nandi) and she bit him.. she didn't like, make him bleed or anything, but it was still awful. While I'm pretty good about reading her body language and acting accordingly, this just happened too fast. So really, that cashier was asking to be bitten, since she knew best and all.

Ok, one more thing.. I know this is like a small novel. Nandi isn't a bad dog. We wanted a dog to protect the house, and that's exactly what God gave us. She's a shelter dog, and it's obvious she's been abused in the past. When she does act aggressively, part of it isn't her fault.. it's the fact that most people are completely uneducated on the proper ways to be around a new or strange dog. It isn't fair to completely write her off when she's reacting on instinct. It just takes time to help her understand the proper ways to deal with that instict. And once she really does accept you.. after she's been a round you a couple of times.. you're her friend for life.

Hallelujah

Your really have to listen to it to understand. It's originally by Jeff Buckley.

"Well I've heard that there's a secret cord
David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lifts
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah...

Well you had your faith
But you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
A beauty in the moonlight overthrew ya
Then she tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah...

Well, Baby, I have been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
You know I used to live alone before I knew ya
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
You know love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah...

Well there was a time when you let me know
Just what was really going on below
But now you never show that to me, do ya?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah...

Well maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who out drew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who has seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah..."

Don't Bite Your Friends

Very good advice, indeed. These are the types of lessons I'm learning with Mason every morning from the kid shows. "Dont bite your friends" was on Yo Gabba Gabba two days ago. Why is it that kids tend to gravitate towards the MOST annoying shows on the planet? I can handle the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I can handle Go Diego Go.. I actually really DID learn something new from that show. Did you there are pink river dolphins? I totally thought the show writers were making that up because it sounded a little far fetched. So I looked it up. They exist. God obviously was feeling creative that day. :) Anyway, Yo Gabba Gabba is sort of like Teletubbies.. only worse. Think Teletubbies on speed. You understand. Mason absolutely LOVES that show.. turning it off is not an option. If I have to hear: "But first (the host, a rail thin black man who appears to be about 6'5", holds up his index finger), let's go back, and remember what we did today! (4 strange looking creatures with names like "Tootie" let out some sort of collective excited noise) Will you help me? (host makes army swinging motion while creatures yell "YEAH!") Can we dance? (host does some sort of booty/arm shake, creatures yell "YEAH!" once again) Let's do it! (said in some sort of rapper voice) Break it down! (points hands in a sort of gun pose towards the ground)." On the up side, at least the creatures speak English rather than some weird language all of their own.

For kicks and giggles.

I've been pretty open with everyone about the fact that I'm back in counseling because I think there's this stigma of shame that people feel when having to admit they are seeing a therapist. In my opinion, this shame is ridiculous. I have yet to meet a single person who at some time or another would not have benefitted from some sort of therapy.. and I've met a LOT of people. Anyway, I was filling out the paperwork for my counselor last night, and some of the questions were pretty funny.. I thought I'd share them. Basically, it asks the question "In the last 7 days, how much were you distressed by:" and then you rate everything that follows on 5 different levels (from Not At All to Extremely). Sounds easy enough. It starts out with things like "crying easily" or "feeling low energy or slowed down".. normal stuff. Then I was asked about spending, and got totally confused because I wasn't aware that "periods of intense spending" and "periods of excessive spending" were two different things. Ten questions later, I literally laughed out loud when I read: "Having urges to beat, injure, or harm someone." Besides, I think having the urge and actually following through with said beating are two different things. Ha ha.

Here's where it gets REALLY good: "Feeling that you are watched by others." Ok, I didn't feel that way until I read that. Suddenly I felt the intense urge to go peak through the blinds and make sure there wasn't some random man sitting in a car staking out my apartment. "The idea that someone else controls your thoughts." Well, I hadn't felt that way until just this very moment.. I mean, what if my lack of worry over someone else controlling my thoughts is actually because someone IS controlling my thoughts and making me feel a lack of paranoia about them. "Hearing voices that other people do not hear." Well, now that you mention it... And does it count if it's Dan's voice making me feel guilty for doing something I know he'd be disappointed in me doing? "Other people being aware of your private thoughts." I suddenly had the urge to not think ANYTHING if people around me were reading my mind. I kind of felt like Arthur in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy when they're trying to save Trillion and have to walk through that field of shovels that smack you in the face everytime you think a thought. And of course, the second you're told NOT to think anything, you start thinking thoughts a mile a minute. "Having thoughts that are not your own." Does that really make you crazy? I'm pretty sure half the thoughts in my head were not put there by me, but rather are things I've kind of absorbed from other people. Unless they mean someone is like, implanting thoughts in my head without my permission. Now there's a creepy thought.

Disclaimer: This is all done in fun. Nobody better leave a comment about how I obviously AM crazy if I'm taking this stuff seriously. And I totally understand that these can be serious illnesses in some people.. but having been deemed "crazy" in the past, I feel I have the right to poke fun a little bit. :)

Little Miss Obsessive

Ladies and gentleman, 7 WEEKS until Dan comes home for R&R! Very exciting.. and scary. Ha ha. It's not scary for him.. he had an incredible amount of faith in me.. which he should, because I would not stray from him.. I just don't understand how he isn't nervous about seeing me again after a year. Then there's me.. I'm convinced he's going to see me and be like "Why did I marry her again?" Not that he's ever given me a reason to think that way.. I'm just damaged I guess. BUT, I started going to counseling again last week. My counselor's name is Gina Taffi, and she works like, RIGHT on the beach in Solano Beach.. it was eerie to be there though since the shark attack. There was next to nobody in the beach parking lots, and even less on the actual beach. Creepy.

We are attempting to get Mason off the bottle. It's so sad. He's just so cute you want to give him whatever he wants.. but Mandy says that her doctor says that babies should be off the bottle by his or her first birthday, and Mason is like 16 months now, so we're slacking.

I don't have a whole lot to talk about.. My life is revolving around Mason and school right now. I'm leaving you with some quotes that have really stuck with me lately for whatever reason. Take them as you want.
"Then, when I'd washed the dishes, I arranged the magnets on the fridge into a perfect line. Maybe I was developing obsessive-compulsive disorder. The last two magnets - round black untalitarian pieces that were my favorites because they could hold ten sheets of paper to the fridge without breaking a sweat - did not want to cooperate with my fixation. Their polarities were reversed; every time I tried to line the last one up, the other jumped out of place. For some reason - impending mania, perhaps - this really irritated me. Why couldn't they just play nice? Stupid with stubbornness, I kept shoving them together as if I was expecting them to suddenly give up. I could have flipped one over, but that felt like losing. Finally, exasperated at myself more than the magnets, I pulled them from the fridge and held them together with two hands. It took a little effort - they were strong enough to put up a fight - but I forced them to coexist side-by-side. 'See,' I said out loud - talking to unanimate objects, never a good sign - 'That's not so horrible, is it?' I stood there like an idiot for a second, not quite able to admit that I wasn't having any lasting effect against scientific principles. Then, with a sigh, I put the magnets back on the fridge, a foot apart. 'There's no need to be so inflexible,' I muttered. It was still too early, but I decided I'd better get out of the house before the inanimate objects started talking back." - Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer

"And there you see the distinction between our feelings: had he been in my place and I in his, thought I hated him with a hatred that turned my life to gall, I never would have raised a hand against him. You may look incredulous, if you please! I never would have banished him from her society as long as she desired his. The moment her regard ceased, I would have torn his heart out, and drank his blood! But, till then - if you don't believe me, you don't know me - till then, I would have died by inches before I touched a single hair of his head!" - Wuthering Heights

"'And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.'
'What a stupid lamb.'
'What a sick masochistic lion.'" - Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?" - Grey's Anatomy

"'Chin up. Put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don't lick your wounds: celebrate them. The scars you bear are the signs of a competitor. You're in a lion fight. Just because you didn't win, doesn't mean you don't know how to roar.'" - Chief of Surgery, Grey's Anatomy