I was talking with my friend Amanda tonight, and we were laughing about funny things that have happened while we were hanging out together. I've known her a long time, so there's a whole lot of memories, and I love her dearly.
For some reason, we started talking about having to pee in uncomfortable places.. like when you go "real" camping and their aren't any toilets for miles and miles and so you have to go hide behind a tree or bush and pray there's no poison ivy lurking around.
At any rate, it made me think about my own issues with peeing outside. I CANNOT do it. Seriously. If we're going camping, there had better be some sort of bathroom facility, even if it's just an outhouse, where I can pee. I am like this because of something that happened to me as a child.. the incident showed me both immense amounts of love, and immense amounts of embarassment.
I was like 6 or 7.. at least I think so.. and I was in Kentucky. I don't remember if we lived there or were just visiting, but our church decided to take all the kids on a hayride (noboday laugh.. hayrides can be a great time!). So, a bunch of my cousins and friends, plus my Mamaw (that's "Grandma" to those of you on the west coast), a couple of aunts and uncles, and a couple of other adult chaperones, piled onto this cart filled with hay and pulled by a tractor. The weather had been off for a day or two, but nobody thought anything of it. We eventually reached our picnic destination and proceeded to wolf down hotdogs and chips. One the adults on the trip had a radio with him, and had been listening to it on and off the entire outing. I've always been a slightly anxious person.. even as a child, panic could set into my little heart and have me freaking out over the worst things that could happen. It turned out a tornado warning had been issued.. and we were in the line of fire.
We didn't have time to make it back to the church, so somebody suggested we head for the "Bear Caves" (why they called them that, I'm not sure.. bears definitely do NOT live there) for some protection, and we would get out of there once the storm had passed. So, we were all piled back into the wagon and taken to the caves a short distance away. Once we had all been herded inside, they started a couple fires, and we prepared to wait out the terrible weather and crazy winds. As per usual with young kids, within an hour of being there, there was a chorus of "I have to go to the bathroom." We were split up: boys on one side, girls on the other. Piece of cake, right?
WRONG. As I got into the squat position, I realized I didn't know which way pee actually goes.. forward, or backward.. so I didn't know what direction to pull my pants. My older cousins seemed to have zero issues, so I felt like asking for help would make me too childish. I took a guess, and started to pee. Big mistake. I promtply peed all over myself and my pants. I was mortified. How could I have done such a thing?! I tried to be brave and not care.. I marched away from my cousins back to the fire.. but it was cold, and I was wet, and so ashamed. I was seriously on the verge of tears. My mamaw (my dad's mom) saw me looking devestated, and called me over to her. She asked me what was wrong, and I burst into tears. I was sobbing so hard I was giving myself the hiccups.
At this point, my Mamaw did the most amazing thing... she picked me up and pulled me into her lap and let me cry it out. Mind you, I was soaked in urine.. so you know it was seeping into her clothes as well. She didn't care. Isn't that amazing? Her love for me came first.. she didn't care that she'd probably smell like pee the entire day.. she didn't care that I was probably snotting all over her blouse at this point. All she cared about was taking away my fear and shame and hurt.
I don't get to see her very often, and I wonder if she knows how one small act like that could teach me so much about love. Unconditional love. My mamaw has a firm belief in Christ, and that day in the caves, she really portrayed God's love for us. It's a beautiful thing.
Of course, that's also the reason I refuse to pee anywhere but in a toilet. We don't need a repeat. :)
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