Thursday, May 22, 2008

You tell me one more time how I should live, I swear I'll bite your head off.

The McConnell's, the family I nanny for, spent the last week in Hawaii, so I ended up having a week and a half off of work. Today was my first day back, and I missed Mason terribly, so it's nice to be spending my day's with him again. While he was napping earlier, I was reading a parenting magazine, and it had this whole article on people giving you unwanted advice. Apparently, when you had kids, everyone, including complete strangers, feel they had the right to tell you what they think you're doing wrong.. or they do the whole condescending questioning thing such as: "Are you sure he's getting enough to eat?" or "Are you sure bathing her every day is a good idea?" The great part about the article is they tell you how to handle those people, whether strangers or family or friends, and even give you sarcastic phrases to use. Excellent.

Anyway, it got me thinking about the experience we (being me, Anna, and Ruth) had at Pet People in 4S Ranch yesterday. Dan and I don't have kids yet, but we take the "parenting" pets role very seriously.. especially with our puppy, Nandi (actually, she turns one this month.. weird to say dog instead of puppy). For those of you who haven't met Nandi, she hates new men and has serious aggression issues. Now, we have not taken these issues lightly. We've dished out a WHOLE LOT of money on personal trainers for her, and I've spent a lot of hours working with her on behavioral issues. She's SO much better now than she was say 5 months ago, and we've been told her aggression will continue to get better as long as we keep working with her. But here's the thing: not everyone agrees with our method of correction. I used to be one of those people who freaked out at the sight of a dog wearing what appeared to be a torturous device with spikes sticking out of it.. basically a training collar. When I spoke with Nandi's trainer in the first appointment, and he pulled one out, I almost kicked him out.. I believe the slang term for them is a "pinch collar." Now, before you all throw me to the wolves for torturing my dog, you need to understand that I would never do ANYTHING to Nandi that caused her pain.. the collar is not like the one's sold in Petco and such. They're imported from Germany, and the "spikes" aren't spikey.. they have very smooth, very rounded edges. Just to be safe.. this is how much I love her.. I made him put it on ME, and then I gave myself a correction like we would have to do with her, which is basically one quick jerk and then release. Definitely got my attention, but DID NOT HURT. Also, this training company explained that the term "pinch collar" comes from people buying the collar WAY to small, so when the dog tries to pull, their skin gets caught and pinched. Very sad. Nandi's is so loose, if she puts her head down far enough, it slides right off. AND, she doesn't wear it ALL the time, nor do I ever let her sleep in it. And it WORKS because it's being done the right way. We originally tried the whole Petco training class thing, but everything was based on food rewards, and I kept being told eventually she'd do things even if you don't have a treat. Nandi isn't stupid.. she's way too smart for her own good, and would ignore me if she wasn't positive I had food in my hand. You have to understand that my biggest fear is that she's going to bite someone (probably a guy.. ha ha) and really hurt them, and then I'll have to put her down to avoid a lawsuit.

But I digress. We went to Pet People yesterday to buy Nandi new dishes. With a title like "Pet People," one would assume the people working there know a thing or two about dogs. Apparently not. I've included a list of things, based on our experience there, that every person should know about dogs.. especially if you work in a pet store(yes, all of these were stuff the staff did, not any other customers):
1) When you are a child, generally your parents tell you to ASK before you just walk up and pet someone's dog. Why is it that that changes when you grow up? Why do adults think they can touch my dog without permission? Seriously, Nandi may look cute and charming, but the second she feels frightened or cornered, be prepared to watch her morph into a rabid wolf.
2) Whoever started the myth that the best way to approach a dog is by sticking your hand out for them to sniff needs to be dragged into the street and shot. One of the MOST aggressive or frightening moves you can make is to go to the dog and try and let them sniff you. As a matter of fact, you should NEVER EVER approach a dog you don't know and basically force yourself on them. Let THEM come to YOU. I've lost count of the amount of times people, especially men, have almost lost a limb because to Nandi, they were initiating aggression.. and if her choices are fight or flight, she almost always chooses fight. When I jump in and say, "DO NOT reach for her again, please," one of the cashiers seriously smirked because Nandi didn't snap at her. But COME ON! I know my dog better than ANYONE.. do not assume that you know better than I do.
3) You wouldn't give a child a bunch of candy without asking the parents first, especially when the child belongs to a complete stranger. Why do people think it's different with pets? Nandi has an extremely sensitive stomach.. I've only had her 8 months, and she's managed to do the whole vomiting/diarhea at least 6 times in that amount of time. Because of this, I rarely introduce her to new treats or food.. we've figured out what works, and we're sticking to that. Then we go into Pet People, and they obviously think they know better, so they start having her do her tricks and giving her treats.. WITHOUT my permission. If Nandi had gotten sick that night, I swear I would have marched back over there and make the staff come over and clean up the mess.
4) Why are you making my dog do tricks and practicing her obedience training? Again you don't even KNOW me, nor do you know my dog. I got the impression she was trying to make a point.. she most likely was anti-training collar (which makes her even a worse pet person because she's not educated in training). No, Nandi was not on her best behavior in the store. She was very good, just not how she normally is with me. My mother-in-law is like Nandi's grandma.. Nandi LOVES her, and grandma means lots of love and attention without as firm of a hand with her (which isn't really a bad thing). Anyway, she was holding Nandi's leash, and of the cashier's came up and started practicing stay with her.. with treats. She actually could have set Nandi back in her training by making her stay multiple times and for various amounts of time in order to get the treat.. a command that, at least with me, she does simply because I'm in charge. I really think she was trying to prove to me that Nandi was having trouble listening to Grandma, and decided that MY way of doing things doesn't work, and her way does. The thing is, I'm Nandi's pack leader.. the way she is when it's just me and her it TOTALLY different than when she's with other people. She obeys me.. most of the time with any hesitation (we are still working on not barking when she's not getting attention). Lastly on this point, some of Nandi's commands are in German. For example, "lay down" is "plotz." But of course, the girl didn't know that and was trying to teach Nandi to "lay down." Thanks, lady. I appreciate you acting like Little Miss Know it All when you've known my dog for all of 5 minutes.

So friends, to wrap it up I say: "Don't assume you know best about a dog you just met.. or a child for that matter." Little did the cashier know that Nandi can seem fine with you one second, but until you've coming around for a while, she's not as comfortable as she seems. Case and point, we had a game night a few months ago, and three of the guys who came are on Nandi's short list of men she loves: Max (my brother), Ryan, and Michael. But Max brought a friend, and Nandi was feeling defensive (she's SO protective of me and Anna.. she's even protective of Madeleine, our chihuahua.. I can't take them both to the vet at the same time because Nandi won't let the vet anywhere near Madeleine). Nandi SEEMED to have accepted Sean, Max's friend.. she crawled into his lap and licked him face and let him pet her (the way to win her over is to ignore her until she can't stand it anymore and needs to "make friends"). However, when you've only been around her for 2 hours, moving quickly is a terrible idea. Sean went to pass the paper for the game, and he moved too fast (he had to reach over Nandi) and she bit him.. she didn't like, make him bleed or anything, but it was still awful. While I'm pretty good about reading her body language and acting accordingly, this just happened too fast. So really, that cashier was asking to be bitten, since she knew best and all.

Ok, one more thing.. I know this is like a small novel. Nandi isn't a bad dog. We wanted a dog to protect the house, and that's exactly what God gave us. She's a shelter dog, and it's obvious she's been abused in the past. When she does act aggressively, part of it isn't her fault.. it's the fact that most people are completely uneducated on the proper ways to be around a new or strange dog. It isn't fair to completely write her off when she's reacting on instinct. It just takes time to help her understand the proper ways to deal with that instict. And once she really does accept you.. after she's been a round you a couple of times.. you're her friend for life.

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