All over the place.

Today was one of those days where you find yourself yelling phrases like "WHAT AM I DOING HERE?!" at the ceiling. I feel inadequate at this whole Rear-D Commander's wife thing. I'm not exactly the cookie-cutter military spouse to begin with, not to mention kind of girl retarded. I end up feeling inferior, which makes me shy and quiet, which ends up coming off as being stuck up. I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that Dan is more than made for a position like this.. I just don't see how I fit into the big picture. I'm really not as strong as I come off to be. I seriously didn't say ONE word during the meeting. It didn't help that everyone already knew each other. And let's not even go into the fact that all the other wives my age were definitely NOT the wives of officers. Poor Dan was totally uncomfortable as well trying to figure out how to act around all these married women whose husbands are in the sandbox. His reaction to any uncomfortable situation is to make people laugh, which in turn comes off as flirting to me. This does not land us in happy territory. All the wives are SO pretty and cute and social.. and then there's me. I know I'm meant to be here, but I don't understand why God thinks I'm strong enough to be in this role. I KNOW I have to try, but I'm feeling the distinct urge to run for the hills.. or maybe bury my head in the sand like an ostrich. I'm really overwhelmed. God seems to have WAY more faith in me than I have in me. At any rate, I spent a bunch of time on the phone with Amanda and she always makes me laugh, so that helped. And then on the way home, I flipped on the radio just to drown out all the noise in my head. I normally hate Miley Cyrus, but I honestly think God can speak to you through ANY music.. and this song for some reason made me feel like everything was going to be ok.

"I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
'You'll never reach it'
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shakin'
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what is waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments
That I'm gonna remember most
Just gotta keep going
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what is waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on moving, keep on climbing
Keep the faith
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith"