I love the feeling of normal. Seriously. I had forgotten how much I love just being "normal" with Daniel. Actually living in the same house again is improving things ten-fold. I had feared that the distance had changed us too much.. that we were apart for too long. And the distance HAS changed us. The great thing is that now that the distance is gone, he is back to his normal, laid-back, let me do whatever I want (ha ha) self, and he's totally accepting of the positive changes I have made in my life in his absence. It's comfortable again, but comfortable in a GOOD way.
Here's what sucks: it's normal and comfortable. But my life still feels.. incomplete. I feel like I'm straddling some weird invincible line because I'm here, but half of my life is still in San Diego. Being just us has been great.. we've worked HARD on our relationship, found a church (Bethel Chapel), and are looking for a permanent residence. But I still wish there was a way to combine both my worlds. I feel like my relationship with Dan and my "home" life in San Diego have been two separate worlds for too long. In fact, the worlds haven't REALLY intertwined since the first two months Dan and I were dating. Maybe I'll feel better when I have my animals up here and all of my stuff.. but I think it is more than that. Much more. I know this is where I'm supposed to be... wherever Dan is. And I LOVE Alaska. And God has a far better plan than I could ever imagine. So I guess I'll just.. well.. wait.
I miss Nandi like crazy. I didn't realize how much I had come to rely on her presence to feel safe. When Dan isn't home, my anxiety starts to resemble a coiled spring. Don't get me wrong. Alaska isn't like, crazy unsafe or anything. It just has a lot of weird noises.. none of them normal city noises. And our current apartment complex has really thin walls, so every time someone comes home, it sounds like someone is trying to come in our front door. This is not OK. Now, realistically, I shouldn't be worried. Our front door locks automatically when you shut it, so it's not like anyone can ever just walk in. But I've come to rely on Nandi's ears and instincts. As long as she's not nervous, I'm not nervous. I know that as soon as she gets used to new noises, she can tell what she needs to worry about and what she doesn't. I wish I had the same ability. I'm also not used to not having her connected to my hip. I would get annoyed sometimes, but now I actually miss it! Sad day.
I guess that is it. Not a whole lot to report. My sinuses have finally stopped bleeding. Dan's mom suggested we get a humidifier and it saved my life. Ha ha. I was randomly sick for a few days.. not sure what happened there, but my body was not happy. The amount of static in the air is INSANE. After days of having my hair stick up in every direction, I finally had to buy a spray to keep it under control. I was about 10 seconds away from rubbing dryer sheets on my head. :) I'm totally into Evanescence right now. I bought their album "The Open Door" a couple of years ago, but wasn't really into it. I revisited it recently, and I'm totally hooked. TOTALLY hooked. I've been playing the computer game Titan Quest in my down time. How big of a dork am I? :) I recently finished my second sci-fi novel EVER. It took me forever.. all of the weird names and made-up words and crazy amounts of characters gets me pretty lost at first. I couldn't even get through Harry Potter. But I'm finding if I stick with it, eventually it all makes sense and I can keep everything straight. So that's me.
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